


The Light In My Dark Night

by Mystic2102



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Crying, Cute Yang Jeongin | I.N, Depression, Family Fluff, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Fluffy Ending, Gentle Kissing, Hugs, Insecurity, Jeongin needs a hug, Letters, Love Confessions, Love Letters, M/M, Nightmares, No Smut, Not Beta Read, Sad Yang Jeongin, Sad with a Happy Ending, Surprise Party, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Yang Jeongin | I.N-centric, but it's supposed to be what jeongin has, everyone shows their love to jeongin, except it isn't mentioned, jeongin cries in this numerous times, still don't know what to tag lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-11
Updated: 2019-01-11
Packaged: 2019-10-08 09:59:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17384372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mystic2102/pseuds/Mystic2102
Summary: With nightmares plaguing Jeongin's lonely nights, there's always Changbin to heal him. Or at least there would be if they confessed their feelings and weren't so stubborn and insecure. But happiness is always waiting at the end with family there to show it, and this is no different for Yang Jeongin.





	The Light In My Dark Night

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so sorry this is late!! I've been meaning to post this sooner but honestly I haven't been in the best mental state. I'm getting a bit better and I really miss all of you. I'll be starting up more fics soon enough, so please bare with me! I hope everyone had an amazing holidays and happy new year!! Please enjoy this even if it's quite long and I rushed the ending a bit because I was eager to post this. I hope you like it, thank you for reading!! As always, please let me know if you have any requests with Jeongin/someone with any details. I don't really do smut, major character death, and really gory things.

Jeongin snapped up from the bed with a gasp, sweat pouring down his forehead. He closed his eyes and sighed, rubbing a hand through his damp hair. Carefully crawling down from the ladder as to not wake up the other three, he tip-toed across the room to his dresser.

Slowly opening the drawers, he grabbed out new clothes for the day. Glancing at the clock to read it was 2:50 AM, Jeongin sighed again as he remembered every night this started happening. His nights asleep seem to get shorter and shorter every time, and there was nothing he could do about it.

He stalked over to where the bedroom door was, freezing in place when he heard movement. He looked over to Minho's bed where Minho shifted towards the wall but was otherwise silent. Jeongin took a deep breath in relief, silently (but quickly) heading towards the bathroom down the hall. 

He was relieved when he found that Chan decided to sleep that night, not wanting to explain to their mom figure why he wasn't in bed. No one needed to know about his nightmares. He wasn't about to burden them with yet another problem he had, he's already done enough of that.

He undressed as he gently turned the water on to their shower. He was in a daze as the nightmare kept flashing through his mind. What had he been doing wrong? Last night his nightmare had been so bad that he had to rush to the bathroom and throw up. It was gruesome and bloody, something he wished he could erase from memory. The nightmares were always a worst fear of his that sometimes he didn't even know he had.

This time was no better, though. The burning sting in his quickly beating heart was still there, and he wondered if maybe the nightmare was true. Was it what they thought of him? Was he really the world's most loved maknae? Why did he even have all these questions to begin with? It shouldn't matter what anyone thought of him but himself, right? No, popularity has always been needed.

He should just work harder and stop complaining. Maybe he didn't cry as often as the rest, but he always complained and pushed away his members when they tried to cuddle and kiss him. Not that they even did that anymore. Maybe his nightmare was right, maybe he was unneeded. What if all his nightmares about that were true? Why did he have so many questions all the time but no answers to them?

He should just give up. Maybe his nightmares would end there. Seungmin could fill in his vocalist space, his voice sucked anyway. The last time they ever remotely needed him was in mirror, and even that he knew someone could fill it in. It wasn't that he had any talents anyway, not like the other members.

He wasn't like Chan who was gorgeous and good at everything he did. He wasn't Felix who always caught everyone's eyes and had an attractive deep voice that no one got tired of. He wasn't Woojin who was masculine and attractive and had the voice of a god. He wasn't Seungmin who spoke English so well, could rap, and sing like an angel that fit every song. He wasn't Hyunjin who could dance better than anyone he had ever known, who was tall and model-like, who could sing so well, and was perfectly close with every member. He wasn't Minho who was known like a second visual and danced so well, his voice fitting in every category. He wasn't Jisung who spoke English well, had powerful vocals that no one else had, and was adorable in every way possible. 

And best of all, he wasn't Changbin. Changbin who's vocals were absolutely stunning when he sang. Changbin who had a jawline so sharp it could cut paper. Changbin who's rapping had a perfect growl and deep voice. Changbin who could dance well without as much practice that Jeongin needed. Changbin who could compose an amazing song like the rest of 3racha. Changbin who was better than him in everything, even being a vocalist when he wasn't.

So maybe he had a crush on Changbin. It didn't matter, it's not as if he had a chance with him. Felix and Hyunjin have stolen any chance he ever had with any of the members, the two who were pretty much the definitions of perfect.

Sometimes Jeongin wanted to not be there, sometimes he wanted to sob and scream out his frustrations. He couldn't, though. If the others worked harder and were stronger than him, what gave him the right to do that when they didn't? He could list a million things he hated about himself before he could list what he liked.

His only good point was his braces, and even those have to come off someday. He's seen the comments and the tweets, they all would hate if he got rid of them. Maybe he could play the piano pretty well, but so could the others. Sometimes he felt like he understood what Hyunjin felt like. All he had left was his looks, the cuteness that sometimes he didn't welcome as much as he wanted to. 

He didn't even realize the burning hot water on his cold, numb skin. He didn't realize the shaking in his hands and the tears welling up in his eyes. He didn't realize that besides the harsh stinging coming from his chest, he could feel nothing. 

He realized that he had probably been here for a while, and he was starting to get dizzy from the heat. He stepped out of the shower and quickly dried before getting dressed, hoping that practice would ease the sorrow he felt increase. He hoped that it would distract the thoughts of self-hatred he swore he would lock away.

He also swore he would do many other things he never did. Lying was always easier than telling the truth, than being honest about the things he knew he couldn't do. It created the thought that Jeongin didn't hate himself, that no one had to worry about him at all.

And yet they still did. He would always be seen as a baby who was loved by his other members. He remembered every line that Jisung said about him from the survival show. Maybe back then he was honest, but did that still apply now? Does he still feel that way about Jeongin? Does anyone?

He didn't want to practice anymore. He wanted to lie down and not eat, and just bask in the screams of his thoughts. He knew he couldn't do that, as an idol, there were no breaks. He had to push through, he couldn't let something as simple as insecurities weigh down himself and his group. Even if he knew they didn't need him in the group, he still played a part. The least he could do in return for their kindness is suck it up and do what he was asked to.

Back to the reality he had come to dislike, he didn't bother to eat and only chugged down a bottle of water. He only got 2 hours of sleep, but it should be enough to keep him running throughout the day.

He turned on the music and danced along to routine, his body already familiar with the movements. As if he was a puppet on a string and the music was his puppeteer, he let his body do all the work, shutting down his mind to focus only on following the orders the beat barked. He didn't know how long he danced, trying to perfect his movements to even be remotely as good as the dance line's.

When his lungs burned and the sun shined, he still danced. When the members came in and looked in shock at Jeongin, he didn't even realize them until the music turned off. He heaved and chugged down another bottle of water before turning to look at their furrowed brows.

Time to do what he did best: lie. "Good morning, hyungs! I was just getting in a few hours of practice to warm-up. His bright smile made the others soften their features, but Jeongin didn't see the glances and silent conversation shared between a few members. 

"Did you eat yet?" Chan asked, staring at his sweaty form in worry and confusion. "This morning, like a few hours ago I think." Jeongin replied, even though in his mind it was a technically a 'no,' but he had a bottle of water still. "Right... well we're gonna take the day off today. Yesterday was pretty tough and a few of the other members are still sore." Chan wasn't too convinced that Jeongin was okay, motherly instincts, he guessed. 

"Alright, I'll go take a quick shower and we can do whatever you guys want." Jeongin quickly cleaned up under their stares, rushing out of the door to shower and avoid them while he still could. He hoped his lie convinced them it usually worked on them.

While he was back at the dorms taking a shower and everything, the others had been in thought about multiple things at once. "Is Jeongin okay?" Felix asked, worried about his best friend. Hyunjin continued what he was doing before looking at Felix. "He seemed fine to me. He was just the sunshine-filled Jeongin that we see everyday." 

A few others agreed, but the rest could tell he wasn't telling them something. Nowadays he got up sooner than they've ever seen. Though Chan gets back at the time Jeongin leaves for school, even this was worse. The boy still went to school, he still ate his meals when asked, but his sleep schedule was strained. At most they've seen him get about three hours of sleep, all while being an idol and a student.

To say Changbin was worried, was an understatement. To him, Jeongin was his joy, his happiness, his heart. Though he often spent time with Hyunjin and Felix, the reason he wasn't as close with Jeongin was due to him being too shy. When he was around Jeongin, his brain would blank and he would be nervous and tense. Jeongin came back afterwards, his signature smile plastered on his face. He plopped down on a chair, looking at his hyungs in front of him. "So what does everyone want to do?"

"We were thinking of watching a movie and getting some bubble tea at the store down the street. I was just going to order chicken for dinner tonight after a movie marathon or something." Woojin answered for them, even though Chan could've just answered and cooked tonight or something.

"Sounds good to me, shall we go now?" Jeongin asked as he got up with his hyungs. Somewhere in the corner of Changbin's right eye, Jeongin's smile had fallen into a look of complete sadness for just a split second. Changbin could've easily been tricked with how much he was worried for Jeongin, but somewhere in hit gut he knew that wasn't the case.

So what was wrong? Was he bullied in school? Did he fight with someone? Had someone hurt him? No, deep in his gut he knew the answer. Jeongin wasn't as simple as just a pretty face with the world's cutest smile. Back in the pre-debut days, Jeongin was as broken as he was stubborn with showing it.

He had seen Jeongin cry only twice before, the boy was known to hide his emotions as to not worry others. Hell, Jisung looked up to him for that. But it was because of that that often no one could tell if something was wrong with their maknae.

He walked alongside Hyunjin as he frowned a bit, thinking of what to do with Jeongin. Should he just leave it alone? No, instead of being a coward he should address it. Maybe what Jeongin needed was someone to understand and support him through this. He hoped that was the case, he didn't want to strain their relationship.

\------

The rest of the day was spent watching movies and eating chicken and popcorn. Though everyone was watching the movie, Changbin and Jeongin could barely even pay attention. Jeongin had been spacing out a lot, lost in his negative thoughts that he wished the movie would drown out. Meanwhile, Changbin had been discretely watching Jeongin's face hoping that his gut was wrong and that Jeongin was fine.

As it turned out, his gut wasn't wrong. Or at least, it seemed like it wasn't wrong. Throughout the movie he had seen Jeongin spacing out with his brow furrowed, he had barely smiled or laughed even though his favorite movie had been playing. 

The two decided something at the same time, though unsure of what each other was thinking. 

When it had become very late, the group decided to cash in for the night. Jeongin had waited until he knew everyone was asleep before slipping into the practice room for some alone time. Though being alone wasn't the smartest decision he's had, he wanted to try and sort his thoughts out.

So as he sat there on the floor against the mirror, he had his head in his hands and his thoughts screaming at him. His breathing had been ragged despite not doing anything, and his heart was pounding in his chest, the familiar sting that confirmed he had been very much alive.

Even if everything else seemed to think otherwise. He had been so occupied with attempting to calm his demons that he hadn't noticed someone come into the room and gather him into their arms. For a second he panicked, squirming around and shaking with confusion and fear.

"Shh, it's okay, Innie. You're okay," Changbin's familiar deep voice whispered comfort into his ears. Jeongin went limp, hiding his face in the crook of Changbin's neck to hide his shame. Why had he been crying? Why was Changbin here? What is he doing? This was his crush and here he was being comforted by him. 

Jeongin was too confused and ashamed to move. He had never been caught before, so why now? Had he not been careful enough? 

"Are you okay now Innie?" Changbin's gentle voice dragged him out of his thoughts. Jeongin nodded his head, putting on the best smile he could muster and hoping Changbin would leave him to cry alone. 

Changbin tried to pull his face up but Jeongin was stubborn and refused to let Changbin see him so weak anymore then he already has. "I won't judge, Innie. It's okay to cry." Changbin tried reassuring him, patting his back and pulling Jeongin onto his lap so he was more comfortable.

"No," Jeongin refused, clutching onto Changbin like he was the only thing keeping him sane. Though that wasn't a lie, Changbin had been a major reason he was attempting to stay strong for his group. 

Changbin eventually gave up trying to see Jeongin's tear-stained face. He just pulled Jeongin closer with a sigh, petting his hair and rocking them back and forth in what he hoped was comforting. 

"You know, you don't have to pretend that you're fine so much. None of us would judge you for crying, we all just want you happy." Jeongin didn't reply, he just listened to Changbin's voice and clung to consciousness. "We all love you, even if you don't believe that, it's true. You're not just a cute face, you're so much more than that."

Jeongin hugged Changbin tighter, as if Changbin would leave him as soon as he fell asleep. Maybe this was a dream though, some cruel hope that Changbin would see his suffering.

He didn't think he'd want to wake up if that was the case. Some completely selfish side of him hoped that he wouldn't wake up to another day of faking, another day was crying and wishing the voices would stop screaming at him to do better, to work harder.

Would his hyungs hate that? Would they care if he hadn't woken up from this dream? Would they move the group on without him? Would the fans? Would his family? All the questions he had that started with a 'would' seemed to make him cling impossibly tighter, hoping this wouldn't end.

Please, my one wish is that this didn't end, Jeongin wished as he drifted off into the much needed sleep. Changbin felt his breathing slow, and he took a relieved sigh as he carefully stood up while lifting Jeongin. Though Jeongin was taller than him by quite a lot, he hadn't weighed much, though this only stood to worry him more.

Not only was he depressed, but he hadn't even been taking care f himself? He was angry he didn't see this sooner, because if he did, then he would've stopped it sooner as well. He had to talk to Chan about this, tell him what was going on. He didn't care of Jeongin would be mad, his health was on the line here.

He gently placed Jeongin on the couch, retrieving a blanket and draping it over the boy's curled up frame. Changbin watched for a bit, stroking his hair out of his face in fondness, silently promising that he would do anything to help him.

He walked back to his shared room with Chan, reaching over and gently shaking him awake. Chan stretched before yawning, fluttering his eyes open to see Changbin over him with a frown.

"Is something wrong, Binnie?" Chan's just-woke-up-but-what's-wrong voice asked, concern laced into it. "We need to talk, hyung, and it's about Jeongin." That woke Chan up in a heartbeat, and he quickly sat up and shifted over. "What's wrong with him? Is he hurt?" His motherly-self kicked in, firing questions as a helpless Changbin.

"I don't know if you count this as hurt. Jeongin seems to be very... negative about himself right now. I went to check on him since I had been worried, and when I got to the practice room, I saw him there. He was sitting on the floor shaking and crying, lost in his thoughts and breathing heavily. I'm worried for him, Hyung, he isn't the same." Changbin had almost teared up at the end, though he could see Chan was already on the brink of crying.

"He-what-how-why?" Chan could barely find his voice to ask. Jeongin was his everything, he was like his actual baby, and hearing this was all so hard to believe.

"I don't know," Changbin answered truthfully, fiddling with his fingers in his lap. "What do we do then? Do we tell the group?" Chan asked, rubbing his hand over his face in worry.

"We should tell Woojin and Minho, as they're the other guardians. We'll go from there and see if we should tell the others." Chan nodded in agreement, getting up out of his bed and heading over to WooJeongMinLix's shared room. 

They carefully cracked the door open and shook Minho and Woojin before telling them it was an emergency and to meet them in their room. The two nodded and shot up out of bed, following the two to their room.

They explained the situation to Minho and Woojin. Trying to calm them when they looked like they wanted to murder someone. Minho was so angry his glare was scaring away Chan, and Woojin was so shocked that his jaw was locked tight in anger. 

"So do we tell the rest of the group...or what?" Changbin awkwardly asked, poking Woojin and Minho's arms to get their attention. "Yes, and I have a plan how we can help Jeongin." Minho answered, unconsciously shifting his glare to face Changbin and making the boy flinch.

Minho, Chan, Woojin, and Jeongin had the scariest glares in the group. No one had a scarier glare than Jeongin though, and even Minho was scared of it a bit, though they were all scared of Minho for different reasons other than a nasty glare.

So back to everyone's rooms they went, telling them of the issue with Jeongin. Jisung and Felix cried since that was their best friend, Hyunjin and Seungmin were angry and upset that they didn't know sooner, and the whole group just wanted nothing more than to shower him in love.

"Now onto the plan," Minho started, standing in front of the group with a notepad in hand that he wrote the plan on. "My plan is to make a surprise party for Jeongin where Changbin will confess." 

Changbin choked on the water he was drinking, staring up at Minho in shock. Minho rolled his eyes, "Don't give me that look, we all know that you love Jeongin, have loved him since the beginning." 

Changbin just gave up, shaking his head and sighing. "So we're gonna split up and each get supplies, but Changbin will stay behind and be our lookout as well as watching Jeongin. Chan, Woojin, and I will deal with the food for the party. Hyunjin and Seungmin will get gifts for Jeongin since they're good at that. Finally, Felix and Jisung will get party decorations since they know Jeongin the most. Does everyone get that?" 

Everyone nodded and left while Changbin sat by Jeongin, lovingly petting his hair while the three group guardians cooked the food and everyone went and got everything at the stores. After a while of just sitting there on his phone, he felt Jeongin stir a bit so he continued petting his hair to get him back to sleep.

Another few hours later with Jeongin still asleep had Changbin thanking the gods above for his luck. Everyone had returned and were now rustling about, hanging up decorations, putting food on tables, wrapping gifts in cute wrapping paper and bags. At the end of it all, every member wrote letters letting Jeongin know why they love him as much as they do.

At the end, Changbin went to get the star of the party as the members hid. Jeongin stirred in his sleep, yawning as he opened his eyes and blinked up at Changbin. Changbin was trying not to cry at how cute Jeongin was when he just woke up, and he felt a bit jealous towards his hopefully soon-to-be boyfriend's roommates that got to see this everyday.

"Uh...Hyung?" Changbin hadn't realized he hadn't said anything since Jeongin woke up. "Innie, I apologize for this but I'll need you to trust me." Before Jeongin could question anything, he felt a blindfold go over his eyes and be lifted up.

He was startled and gasped in shock, unable to move since Changbin kept a firm hold on him. He laid there as Changbin walked somewhere, unsure and a little worried about what was going on. 

Before he could ask again what happened, Changbin slipped off his blindfold and his eyes widened. Confetti flew everywhere and the members ran to give him a big group hug. His heart was pounding in his chest, warmth and confusion bubbling in his heart and mind.

"We all love you, Innie, don't ever forget that. Without you, we wouldn't be Stray Kids. Remember, nine or none, got it?" Chan said from right in front of him, holding onto his shoulders with a wide smile.

Jeongin couldn't stop his tears before they spilled over, and he clutched onto Chan again to hide his embarrassment. "Before anything else, read these." Hyunjin said as he handed a basket with a bunch of letters neatly lined inside with different colored flowers glued to each one.

Jeongin hesitantly opened each letter, and by the end of it he was a crying baby. By the time he got to Changbin's, he had pulled himself together enough and wasn't crying anymore. He read over it after staring at the neat handwriting. 'I don't really know how to start this, but I want to say that you are the most amazing person out there. since the beginning I knew your heart was made of gold, full of love for everyone but yourself. We all adore you not only because you are adorable in every way possible, but because of who you are.

You're talented, yet you work harder than anyone I've ever seen. You hide your worries so you could protect all of us, putting on a smile even if it's not always true. You're always the first to support anyone who cries, even if you don't allow yourself to cry often. You light the world up with your smile, and your eyes show a glimmer of hope in them, of innocence and love. You love all of us and show us that, even if you don't allow us to show the same to you often. You're one of the strongest people out there because you never give up.

During the survival show, even when you were in line for eliminations, you never once gave up. You don't always have to act or be so tough, especially not on yourself. All of us love you as a brother, as a best friend, as a supporter, as idols, as your fans, and for me, I love you in a different way.

I knew I loved you since the beginning, but it took be a bit to realize it wasn't in a brotherly way. With all the qualities I just mentioned, they just further prove why the world loves you. Please love yourself just as much as we love you, and notice that everyone in this group wishes we were like you in more ways than you think.

Finally, I'll ask the question I've been to nervous to ask face-to-face. Would you, Yang Jeongin, do me the honors of being my boyfriend?'

Jeongin froze, tears spilling over again in relief and happiness. He hasn't cried this much before, but instead of the members laughing at him, they just wiper away his tears and coo at him for being so adorable.

He nods towards Changbin, jumping into his arms in a big hug. Changbin laughs, giving him a gentle kiss on his lips. Fireworks erupted in Jeongin's chest, and he didn't care if he had bad days anymore. His bad thoughts were a forgotten tumbleweed in the wind, and he could only think of the love he had for the other eight members. The others jumped in on the hug, cheering at the new couple that formed.

While it may take some time for him to accept himself better, every step of the way the members were there, assuring him how much they loved him. They released a post asking STAY to show their appreciation to Jeongin without him knowing. The next concert held STAY holding up signs telling Jeongin just how much he was appreciated. Though he had cried in front of them all, he thanked them all with a watery smile. STAY had become known as one of the most supportive fandoms in the world, and Jeongin had the title of the World's Most Beloved Maknae.

Never forget that there is always someone who loves you, who will hold a candle and be the light to the dark nights of your life. Jeongin learned this, and he's glad that he's alive and here in this world. Because he had the members, he had his family, and he had his fans, what more could he ask for?

**Author's Note:**

> I'm thinking of starting a Supernatural fic because I love them just as much as I love Stray Kids. If any of you are STAY and part of the SPN family, I honestly love and adore you. Even though I love and adore you either way but that's not the point. Anyway, I love you all and thank you so much for reading this again! I hope you liked it, happy new year!! 
> 
> Much love <3


End file.
